As a child, I wanted things I thought were impossible. There was something so tantalisingly familiar in this habit – a sense of my place in the scheme of things as someone for whom things did not happen.
It’s interesting that this never stopped me wanting, dreaming – this central feeling that, no matter what my mind was telling me, wouldn’t switch off. This ill-fated yearning was passionate. I felt like a film star, the main character in a story, caught up in a fabulous drama. In all this conflict and injustice, I was vital. Things may not happen to me, but at least I was the leading lady in this saga of frustration. At least, I was alive.
It never occurred to me that as long as I continued to live out this particular narrative, things would never happen to me, that all I was doing was going around in circles.
When I coach people now, we work on this central feeling, this potential, to ensure that we step free of the cycle. This constant, everlasting, energetic power has been struggling with our mind since our first thoughts, since we first recognised the difference between being ‘in favour’ and ‘out of favour’.
This central feeling says, ‘I want’, and then the mind might say something like, ‘yeah, and so does everybody else, so get in line, buddy.’ And the energetic power is knocked off its trajectory.
Eventually, it comes around again. The central feeling of potential grows, asking, wanting, ‘can I? Can I, please?’
‘No,’ the mind says. ‘You’ve been naughty. You don’t deserve. Be quiet.’
Once again, thought knocks that search for more, that instinctive central desire, off its course.
When someone reaches out to me, and we begin working together, I place myself at their side to set off on a journey with them. So, firstly, I need to know where we’re going.
‘What is it that you want?’ I may ask. This is the place we will reach, now that I'm here to prevent you from going around in circles.
It doesn’t matter how possible you think this is. Remember, the mind came after the heart, this central, powerful feeling. As a little girl, I didn’t begin by thinking my dreams wouldn’t come true, and then dream a whole load of them up.
No, I started with an everlasting sense of desire within me.
That’s what Creative Coaching always returns to: the purest source of our potential. It’s there in our hearts, coiled into our cells – the oak tree within the seed.
Little by little, as we work with a coach, we enable ourselves to be guided by that potential. We may talk about the moments we're pulled off course, when thoughts arise and we're knocked off our trajectory.
Then, we find our footing again, we come back to that central feeling, the code of our potential. We take a breath, step out once more, until finally we are walking in a straight line.