Are you Measuring Yourself against Others?

A friend is planning a series of pamper days. She’d talked the idea over with her sister and they’d agreed a price. Then, she looked online at what other people were charging for similar experiences. It turned out these prices were very different to her own. She spoke to me about it because she was now unsure. She wants to offer a discount to those booking before a certain date, but how much of a discount?


The first thing I asked was, ‘what’s important to you?’

And then, ‘what do you want to achieve with your discount?’

Finally, I said, ‘what’s drawing your attention to how much other people charge for their pamper days?’

Measuring ourselves against others will only ever lead to a compromise over our centre. Say, we have a painting, which we line up with the ceiling. But then it turns out the ceiling is crooked.

Or, a friend comes around and says, ‘that picture is wonky,’ pulling it down on one side. The friend may be happy now, but to us it doesn’t look right.

Finally, we get a spirit measure. Now, we know.

By looking ‘out there’ for a solution, we’re only signalling to our brains that we don’t know. If questions could be answered by others we would never again have to ask, ‘do I look good in this?’ for example, because the last time we were told, ‘yes,’ would have been enough.

Answers lie within, by connecting to our centre. That pressing feeling of uncertainty is often because we’ve hung ourselves crooked.

As I connect each day to hang myself straight, it’s not so that my clients can come and measure themselves against me, it’s so I can hold the note of being in touch with my spirit measure, which enables them to make a connection with their own.

By looking to others for answers you are telling yourself that they are right, and you are wrong. No wonder you’re feeling a little wonky.

Now, here’s the thing: finding your spirit measure is a regular practice, which may involve, at first, acknowledging how hard it is. Take a moment each day to sit and imagine the bubble of your spirit measure.

See it moving from side to side.

Ask yourself: How would I feel if I was in the centre?

My friend and I continued to talk about her pamper days, while we stopped to buy drinks at the supermarket. As I scanned our shopping, I saw there was a special on what we had bought – 25% off.

‘Look at that,’ I said, showing her the receipt. ‘Even the self-serve till is making a suggestion for what kind of discount you could offer!’

But only we can know what’s right.

Find your spirit measure today, and learn to judge life from your own centre.